It is not necessarily the loss. That brings with it a different sort of feeling, a kind of personal disparaging that he's not really accustomed to but which clings to him when he thinks of how ineffective he has been in the last few missions they have been on. Even in Paris, he did not accomplish any success without also having caused critical failures. His time in COST has been a gradual degradation of his morale, the strengthening concern for whether or not he is a benefit or a detriment to his companions or their overall cause.
In the grand scheme of things each of their individual fights were relatively minuscule in impact, but its effect personally was a different story.
He dips his head, wordlessly accepting the assuaging words. He doesn't necessarily disagree. He knows he is a competent fighter. It just hadn't been enough.
He thinks that there might indeed be at least one person that might have strong opinions of what had happened in the arena, but perhaps there is truth to 76's words as well. Though Ashitaka is concerned he does not have the full picture of what it was that he bore, what had overpowered and overtaken him. There is a pause as he considers what to say, finally settling on, "You are correct. But what that was - what I had become - it was not something that would have differentiated between friend or foe." He pauses a moment longer, and then continues, "In my most dire moments, it becomes very possible I might once again become something which might lash out at my companions. It is this which troubles me the most."
no subject
In the grand scheme of things each of their individual fights were relatively minuscule in impact, but its effect personally was a different story.
He dips his head, wordlessly accepting the assuaging words. He doesn't necessarily disagree. He knows he is a competent fighter. It just hadn't been enough.
He thinks that there might indeed be at least one person that might have strong opinions of what had happened in the arena, but perhaps there is truth to 76's words as well. Though Ashitaka is concerned he does not have the full picture of what it was that he bore, what had overpowered and overtaken him. There is a pause as he considers what to say, finally settling on, "You are correct. But what that was - what I had become - it was not something that would have differentiated between friend or foe." He pauses a moment longer, and then continues, "In my most dire moments, it becomes very possible I might once again become something which might lash out at my companions. It is this which troubles me the most."