WILL YOU WALK INTO MY PARLOR—

[agogemod]

WHO? Everybody!
WHAT? BASE training, between investigating the fish.
WHEN? Still outside time and space, in the aether between dimensions.
ANYTHING ELSE? Please warn for anything besides physical violence and move to a personal journal if it's beyond PG-13.

I want to wring out your evil thoughts;

I want to eat out your bitter heart

READ THE JHASHCH INFOPAGE.

OVERVIEW

A couple weeks into exploration, recruits receive a bulletin on their BCEs.

@SCOUT | @ALL

report to the foyer at 0600 hours tomorrow for a briefing; it'll be a couple weeks yet, but you're headed to jhashch, circa 382.92

you'll receive a datapack that goes over the location in detail, but we're still acquiring location-appropriate clothing. you'll receive your equipment in full before departure. until then, you've more than a little training to accomplish.

the commander will lay out your regime tomorrow. don't make her wait.

Anyone who arrives early will catch the end of an argument between Grothia, Chiron, and Young. Or, more accurately, Grothia and Young.

If you listen carefully to Grothia's raised voice and Young's collective jeer over Chiron's calm, placating tones, you'll learn Grothia and Young are required to attend this summit, in a show of good faith. And it's a matter Grothia has only addressed with your scout now. She storms from the room in a flurry of white feathers and the crows sulk for the rest of the day.

Needless to say, she is furious. She is not a fan of spiders.


THE MAIN FOYER

The foyer has been overhauled. The walls are dark and impersonal; while not terribly different from their usual steel, they're slick and clean in a way BASE is not, so polished you can see your distorted reflection. And this sterile surface is only a backdrop to architecture reminiscent of the height of the Baroque period: decadent, dark, and sometimes pointlessly opulent.

Many of the rooms are only gently lit, leaving long shadows, and sometimes you might spot movement out of the corner of your eye. It's dark and cool, almost like a cellar, but by no means even a fraction as musty. It's as well ventilated as BASE can ever be. And, while some rooms simply acclimate you to your upcoming surroundings, others serve clear purpose.

Much of the furniture is odd in shape, casting swooping silhouettes and made for creatures much larger and rounder than humans. But what is meant for human use is just as opulent, decked in rich fabrics and carved wood.

A few rooms along the foyer's rim are bright, with large "windows" (high definition screens, much like the ones in your rooms) that display the rusty landscape of Jhashch. It's possible to see various lifeforms wandering the jagged terrain, hyper realistic, though the images will loop if you watch long enough. Sometimes, you might even spot an undisguised Aranean.

Welcome to your training grounds.

TRAINING

All recruits must train extensively in each of the following categories. This is emphasized and revisited again and again, until it is drilled into memory. But this time, it isn't like the shooting and running of the Great War. This is a little more...refined.

However, it's not as easy to tell when you've messed up, so COST has repurposed some Dactly droids. Each recruit will have one droid assigned to follow them; when a mistake is made, it will hurl a glitter bomb at the person and cheerfully inform them, "You have been consumed." 🎊 The glitter is just as difficult to remove as you'd expect.


ETIQUETTE

Etiquette is split into several key elements. Recruits are repeatedly reminded: if your etiquette is poor enough, an Aranean may eat you, diplomacy and goodwill be damned. They take poor form deadly serious.

» POSTURE

Araneans see power in perfect posture, whether sitting or standing. You are always expected to be at your tallest and most intimidating, with shoulders straight back and hands placed in your lap or on your glass or cutlery. It's poor form to turn your face down or away when someone is talking to you; Araneans favor eye contact. It is advised to look at the largest, middle two eyes of an Aranean.

» CONVERSATION

Be interesting; this is no place for wallflowers. Speak with authority on topics you know or, at least, can fake. What matters is confidence, aggression, and dominating the conversation. Recruits will compile three topics that they can speak of confidently at length.

» ENTERTAINMENT

Characters should choose a skill to hone into something presentable in the Court. This can be anything, whether art, music, shooting, sword fighting, etc. Something they can show off and demonstrate, that they're sure they'll dominate in. And note: While dominance and cruelty are powerful in their own right, there's something to be said for anyone who can distract and charm another to their doom.

However, don't go in swinging your hardest. Always keep an ace up your sleeve, just in case.

» DANCE

Like most warrior cultures of the past, Araneans are obsessed with dancing as much as appearance. Their whole purpose is an intricate display of steps and motions and memorization of positions. For people with fewer than eight legs, it is mercifully a little easier.

A little. You still have to learn at least three common dances to satisfy your Dactyl droid.

» DINING

Meals are taken very seriously by Araneans, with a set order and customs that are observed almost obsessively.

• SKULGA: All meals start with a glass of alcoholic drink, chosen carefully by the hosting family. This is to ensure no drink or glass has been poisoned. As such, all meals begin with every guest skulling a glass.


• CURATH-MIR: The first person to eat is always highest in rank. To eat at the same time is to challenge them and attempt to take their place...or that of the food on their plate.


• LAMBRAT: A napkin of sorts, but one you bring to match your outfit. It is tied to the left wrist and used during the meal like a typical napkin. They are usually of very expensive and boldly colored material, which you can use to motion servants without looking at them. You don't want to break eye contact with your conversation partner.


• COLPATHA: A dish that is the first course of every banquet. It is raw meat of a choice cut and presented in a bowl over open flame on hot coals, with appropriate utensils. You have to cook the meat yourself. It is also expected to be something of a spectacle, by doing tricks with how you cook.


• CUTLERY: There are no forks here; only a series of intricate, specially curved knives. And no, you can't use your hands.

» BOWING

Spiders are prone to display. For an Aranean, bowing involves extending all limbs of their upper body and bending at the main knee of their legs, all whilst keeping the upper body stiff and face forward; after all, eye contact is still key. It's somewhat reminiscent of this little spider, though with the raised limbs spread wider, like a ballerina.

For humans, it's more difficult to execute; we have fewer limbs, after all. Instead, both men and women step forward, extend the dominant leg back, lift both arms and bend at the knees. It is, quite possibly, the most precarious balancing act you've done in a while. For men, only one arm is lifted and the other tucked behind the back. For women, well...

» DIPLOMACY

Recruits are encouraged to help each other grasp the art of backstabbing; COST understands it is a nebulous art and carefully honed with time. Better to allow the experts to educate, than to muddle along without that spark.

That said, if you encounter diplomats from other groups, you're expected to conduct yourself as you would around an Aranean...which, unfortunately, includes the Regency.


GROOMING

Araneans are obsessed with appearance, grooming, and presentation, if the etiquette wasn't enough, so it's time for COST to take a ~spa day~. At least here you won't get lice.

Another series of repurposed droids are now your hairdressers, manicurists, and personal groomers. It's nothing truly dramatic and mostly intended to get everyone up to standard, with optional courses in makeup and hair-styling for full banquets and other occasions. Hair can be styled to taste, as long as it's neat and isn't too labor intensive; recruits are expected to maintain it and the rest of their appearance afterwards.

From here on out, no one comes to breakfast or dinner without a shower, their hair done, or nails cleaned. Presenting yourself as a mess is disrespectful and will be similarly as punished.

Also, COST is far too broke to get you actual maidservants, so it's important to remember what is realistic for a single person to accomplish.


LANGUAGE

When conversing with humans, Araneans will speak in a language the BCE can translate, but names will remain as they are. Aranean custom doesn't attribute meanings to names, since so many children are born in a single clutch of eggs. But it's impossible for humans to make the sounds necessary for their language, so Araneans will tolerate screw-ups—to an extent.

There are recordings of Aranean names, pronounced by an Aranean speaker (it sounds like a series of hisses and clicks) and then the nearest approximation by a human, which is middling at best and involves a pale imitations of those sounds.

Here are some examples of what human-spoken Aranean sounds like, to give you a vague idea: Jhashch, Thsh, Chch, Shai, Aythy, Shch.

Also, you should always use a spider's title. Whether a noble lady or lord to the High Queen herself, failing to use a title is a sign of wanton disrespect...or a challenge. Either option is inadvisable when COST is trying to garner respect and curry favor with the royal court.


COMBAT

For general combat training, the gym and armory are open and available. A large mechanical spider sits in the former; Chiron has activated it for the recruits' use. Roughly the size of a male Aranean, its armor is reminiscent of Aranean plate and possesses similar weak points. The most striking of these is the abdomen and their comparatively fragile joints. The robot is unintelligent, but moves as an Aranean does, with agile leaps and viciously quick strikes.

It also fires lasers, which is less than accurate, but pay that no mind.

» DUELING

The rapiers recruits receive serve a purpose. It's time to learn renaissance-style fencing, as they are the standard dueling weapon for the Aranean people. Unlike the stamina building exercises of Gallipoli, everyone will train for agility and precision. This will cover everything from sprints, lunges, when and how to strike human and Aranean opponents, and—most useful of all—how to maintain your balance. Training lasts for three hours every morning after breakfast. It's heavy on leg and shoulder work.

It becomes very apparent why some people spend their whole lives devoted to the sword: This isn't a skill you pick up overnight. Characters who know a different style of swordwork will be better off than those who have never trained before. A poor man's weapon this is not.

Then there are the duelist courtesies and rules:

• To issue a challenge: strike your opponent lightly with an open palm across the cheek.
• To accept the duel: strike your challenger back in a similar fashion.
• To refuse the duel: bow and step backwards.

When a duel begins, the duelists will meet at an agreed time and place. After meeting in the center of the room, they will hold their weapons up with two hands, so their opponent can see no one has tampered with the weapons; after the inspection, they take three steps back while still facing each other, before turning back to their starting position.

Matches last until the first serious injury, rather than first blood. The ideal is to in some way incapacitate your opponent. The droids will be the judge of that in training; they'll shower you in glitter should you lose and cheerfully intone, "You have been grievously wounded."

At the end of a duel, both sides will bow (if able) and then be led—or carried—off the floor, holding their weapons in front of them.

» RITE OF SUCCESSION

There's also the bare-handed brawl, which is the peak of Aranean dueling. However, bare-handed brawls are matches to the death and an absolute way to settle a dispute without killing a whole family. As such, it's the usual method of succession amongst family members.

» GAMING

There are lectures on video games as fine art, famous Aranean gamers and game designers, and pioneers of different genres. But besides thorough education on common terminology, game training mostly consists of, well, playing video games. There is an entire room dedicated to the art, with multiple screens connected to consoles of all types.

The ultimate goal, in the briefest of terms, is to learn not to suck.

For veteran gamers, practice is encouraged and experience with genres you ignore in favor of your favorite titles is all but demanded. Spiders have it all, from shooters to rhythm games to role-playing to virtual reality. As long as it's got that extra bit of violent spice and has a clear winner or loser, it's all good.

So don't be a scrub and play the damn games.


FIRST AID

First aid features a crash course in toxins popular in the High Court. These are primarily neurotoxins; the most popular variety is imported from the people of the Fafnirian System and known as Drip Venom. It is almost always fatal to Araneans, but requires a higher dosage to meet the same effectiveness on humans; if you find yourself poisoned by it, you may very well survive if you administer an antidote quickly enough.

Necrotoxins are primarily used when the goal isn't to kill, but to maim. They're intended to destroy the receiver's beauty and social standing.

Characters will learn how to use the antitoxin injectors in their inventory by practicing with an empty shell and simulating injections in their thighs. The nanites contained within the injectors are powerful and will neutralize most varieties of toxins. They will at least help counter male spider bites (females can inject much higher quantities of venom, which may make a single injector relatively useless) and extremely mild Ymir poisoning.


HIERARCHY

All recruits have their place in the Aranean hierarchy and will learn to weaponize it to the best of their ability. However, since COST is lacking in Aranean senses, this training relies on the identity recruits claim for themselves (though, if needed, you can assume Grothia told them to train in a specific category; she won't have anyone jeopardize the mission).

It is also stressed that there is no guarantee that anything you do or say on Jhashch goes unobserved, whether by Araneans, their servants, or their spies. To an Aranean, everything is about power and displays of power. To be complacent is to be weak and, consequently, prey.

Using the Araneans as a guide, now might be a good time to adopt a false hierarchy you can fall into when "alone" with other COST members. In this framework, female characters of artificial origins rank at the top and male characters of magical origins sit at the bottom, but there are likely more than a few gray areas for members of COST.

But better safe than sorry. In the High Court, there is no such thing as being too paranoid, because these are apex predators who always hunt the weakest first.

READ THE JHASHCH INFOPAGE.

NAV. NETWORK LOGS OOC MEMES PLURK

Comments

dance.

[duskmeadow]

[ Dorian isn't the only one with objections, though Vax's lack of tolerance is likely from his combative conversation with Percy more so than the dance itself. It's just a mission. He's done more ridiculous things in the course of his time with Vox Machina. As he steps away, he has glitter coated down his back and irritation creasing his expression into a frown. His gaze cuts sharply to Dorian, unsure of exactly what was just said but not appreciating it regardless. ]

Do you think you could do it better?

[ His tone is flat, judgemental even though Dorian is hardly the cause of Vax's internal distress. What he should have done was keep to himself instead of inflicting his bad mood on everyone else, but it's too late for that now. ]

[excelsus]

I would much rather put on a gown and dance the Remigold if it meant I didn't have to prance around like a livery pony.

[Dorian was less impressed with the actual dances themselves than whether or not Vax was any good at it and if the glaze of glitter running up and down his back was any indication...he was certainly bad at this.]

To answer your question, yes I could do better. [Would he? Not with those steps.] That is not dancing, however, that is shimming down the Darkspawn line.

[Not that he expects that his reference will be taken, but it does seem to indicate what he thinks of the dance itself. He doesn't think very highly of it, naturally.]

[duskmeadow]

[ The glitter is Percy's fault!!

Though to be fair, what seems to be required here is so exacting even Vax is having trouble. Nothing has demanded this level of seemingly unattainable perfection from him since he left his father's household with Vex. As limber as Vax may be, it's hard to hit the required marks on the fly even if his head was clear. ]

I'd tell you to prove it, [ Vax says, before eyeing the droids appraisingly. ] But I don't think the audience here would appreciate it.

[ It seems like the perception of acceptable dances is very, very narrow. ]

What do you plan to do about at court?

[ Was not dancing an option? Vax couldn't tell exactly, but it seemed refusal would be a more delicate undertaking than simply learning how the ridiculous dances. He isn't contradicting Dorian's assessment. The description is fair. ]

[excelsus]

[Dorian failed to see the level of complexities that most of the other participants did, perhaps because he was instructed in more complicated dances...ones that were...more elegant in their form and less plebeian. Perhaps the prancing about had it's own complications in terms of foot work, but Dorian didn't notice...he simply noticed how rediculous it was.]

I had very strict instruction in waltzing, more elegant and precise than this. I'd be more than happy to give you a private demonstration...but I'm afraid that might just tip you over the edge. [Dorian smiled indulgently, though he had no intention of being bombed with glitter. As glittering as his personality was he found the stuff was impossible to get rid of, worse than trying to clean up a wine spill.]

Mmmm...an additional challenge to be navigated, certainly, but I'll work my way around it...or simply give them a dance that would really shock them.

[Dorian was clearly not one for following the rules, undermining them when it was safe to do so or simply finding ways around doing the things he didn't want to do.]

If you're at a bit of a loss, follow my lead.

[duskmeadow]

[ This took a turn Vax certainly wasn't prepared for.

But he doesn't dig his heels in as Dorian pulls him out onto the dance floor. Vacillating between bored at most of the tasks being set to them or brooding over the revelation Vex had passed along to him, the prospect of a shocking dance is appealing on its own. And if nothing else, dodging the droids lobbing glitter at them will keep him occupied for the time. ]

If we aren't coated with glitter after this we can talk about private demonstrations.

[ But Vax is at a little bit of a loss. Waltzes aren't terribly difficult, but Vax hasn't done terribly much dancing. His time in Syngorn had included some lessons, but Vax's interests had so clearly lay elsewhere. And Vox Machina had done a fair amount of things, but not dancing. Not yet, at least. ]

What kind of shock are you planning?

[ And should Vax be bracing himself for it? ]

[excelsus]

[He is absolutely certain that these are not the steps of the dance they are supposed to be learning so they probably wouldn't get away with being bombed under normal circumstances, but Dorian isn't normal at all and he's not above cheating as a means to an end.]

One moment. [And with a wave of his hand he's able to throw up a barrier that was just enough to to give them the space they needed.] That should properly thwart their bombardment.

[It might not stop them from stepping in it, but it would prevent the stuff from getting all over their clothing and that was a win in the mage's book.]

If you're terrible at waltzing after this lesson, we might need a discussion on private lessons...but let's see how light you are on your feet first. [Dorian takes up the lead naturally, nudging Vax's hand to his shoulder, his hand on the other man's waist as he started out slowly...step, step, turn, step, shuffle, spin...it was a simple waltz, not quite as complicated as something more advanced.

And while they were stepping out of line bombs were being lobbed in their direction, hitting the barrier before spraying glitter everywhere, including on the people who were performing the appropriate steps, but neither Dorian or his companion were touched.]

Let's just say I learned a few things from my time spent in brothels. Find me ten silk scarves and I'll gladly tell you. [He would draw diagrams too.]

[duskmeadow]

[ What Vax really wants to do in that moment is put his hand out to the barrier and examine it. Glitter is nothing, but if this kind of magic held up against more serious projectiles—

It's something that would come in handy for Vox Machina. But Vax is hardly the right conduit to bring a spell back to them. Magic wasn't his forte, though he'd spent enough time aiding Keyleth to acquire a vague understanding of how it worked. His momentary preoccupation nearly ends in him tripping out of time; thinking of Keyleth is distracting at the best of times even with the bigger issue of dragons and Emon's destruction to occupy his thoughts. His grip tightens on Dorian's shoulder as he recovers, returning his attention to the task at hand rather than thinking about absent teammates. ]

I'll keep my eye out for them while we're entertaining our hosts.

[ Even though stealing from large spiders is probably peak stupidity. A spray of glitter hits the barrier and dissipates. Vax's eyebrows raise, impressed more by the spell than the dance. ]

They teach waltzes in brothels?

[ Likely not the ones Scanlan and Grog frequented. ]

[excelsus]

[Dorian can tell that his companion is more taken with his magic than the actual dancing, only half-heartedly paying attention while Dorian minds the actual steps...and his own feet. He's not put off, however, he's perfectly fine with anyone impressed by his magic...it is impressive and his barrier could definitely stand up to more than just glitter bombs.]

If our hosts have any sort of taste it should be a simple enough undertaking.

[Dorian wouldn't actually recommend stealing from them...but borrowing might be a better substitute, either way he couldn't see the use that spider-people would have for silk scarves, but there's no harm in an open mind.

Sensing the other man's distraction Dorian dips him, though whether that's to bring his attention back or distract him with a new angle as more glitter bombs explode against the barrier over the mage's shoulder is entirely up to speculation.]

You've never been inside of a brothel have you? [Dorian teases, hauling the man back up with another step, step, spin] No, they don't teach waltzes...it's a bit more exotic.

[duskmeadow]

[ It's not a chore to dance with him. No one has ever actually dipped Vax before and his fingers dig in tightly to keep hold of Dorian, as if Vax expects to be dropped. But even through the momentary discomfort, Vax grins. ]

I didn't say that.

[ But it had been a long time since Vax had been that kind of...not careless, not really. Lacking in pressing responsibility is probably a better way to think about it, as conflicted as Vax still is about his position in the world.

Even gearing up for this mission, dancing with Dorian is on of the simplest things he's done in a very long time. ]

But we can talk about learning those kind of dances if we avoid getting eaten on this mission.

[ Clearly Vax's idea of incentive. Another crack at dancing lessons if this mission goes well. ]

[excelsus]

No...you didn't. [Although whether or not the other man had been in a brothel or not is still speculation, neither confirmed nor denied...tricky. Dorian liked tricky though, it was a survival skill worthy of court and considering where they would be going it would suit his companion well.

As for learning about those kinds of dances, well that's an incentive that manages to pull a velvety chuckle from Dorian. Of course he's not opposed to biting such an enticing line either.]

And you understand just how naughty the implication is. [Less of a question, more of a statement, he'll forego underestimating his mysterious young friend for now.] Because I'll certainly hold you to talking about it, but knowing your name would make it less...impersonal.

[As if picking up on his own cue, Dorian initiates his own introduction.] Dorian of House Pavus.

[duskmeadow]

Very fancy.

[ Not that fancy houses carry much weight when they're all separated from their homes. But at the least, it explains a little. No wonder Dorian carries himself as he does. Titled folk always do. ]

Vax'ildan.

[ Of nowhere, if what Vex had said was true. Emon had barely been a fit, but apparently it was no more. ]

Though I wouldn't say this is impersonal.

[ The dance Dorian's attempting to teach him (that Vax isn't memorizing) feels a great deal more personal than what the spiders seem to favor. ]

[excelsus]

My parents think so.

[Of course Dorian is not as attached to the title as he might appear to be, t's more about the illusion of fancy than actual fancy. The only thing that truly connects him to his noble heritage is his Birthright which he...foolishly sold.]

A pleasure...and incidentally a very intriguing name.

[There was definitely something elven about it, like Fen'Harel...the only thing different was the fact that most elves who knew the language in his world avoided hard constanants. Still, it was very close.]

I do enjoy a hands on approach, but let me know if I step on any boudaries. I'm not a fan of boundaries, but I can do them if need be.

[He's a gentleman after all.]