agogelogs | [Open-ish]

[Dorian couldn’t remember much about what happened aide from the fact that he’d been accosted, Hei made some kind of grand rescue attempt that was going wrong from the start, blood magic, and then demons. Dorian looked down at his arm, he couldn’t remember doing it, but he knew he’d taken a blade to himself, across his chest as well. He could justify it however he wished—he was protecting himself, he was protecting Hei, he was out of his mind, he was drugged and already injured and panicked because he couldn’t access his magic.

It didn’t stop the shame from settling into the pit of his stomach and gaining a comfortable foothold there. It didn’t stop the tickle of fear, the thought of succumbing to temptation and becoming just the sort of person he despised, but the self-carnage would have to wait until he got his bearings.

He appeared to be in some kind of healing tent, probably not the appropriate word for it, but accuracy both alluded him and fell beyond his ability to care at the moment. He was in a cot, uncomfortable thing, though slightly above a bedroll, there were others around, people with injuries of varying degrees, but he was less concerned about that as there was only one person who should be here that was his responsibility. A glance to the left and with relief there was Hei.

Dorian knew how he’d gotten here, Chiron, that was another piece of his vague memory…but he wasn’t sure how Hei made it out, but he was glad that he did. Not glad that he was hurt…and that reminded him, was he still muted? No, he could feel the pull of magic, the little bit of mana he managed to pull together while resting.

Either instinct or responsibility enabled him, but with that little bit of mana he cast a Revival spell on Hei. Dorian was no Spirit Healer by any means, so this was the only spell he had that could heal anyone who was unconscious, the irony of it was that he couldn’t use it on himself only on other people. That was fine, but it would set him back, but he didn’t need his own vitals to improve, just Hei’s]

(achilles leaves him in the hands of their nurses, but as capable as they are... well. there's not much to be done about the state of him.

hei doesn't truly wake for the better part of a day, a timeline reliant on a dark sky they saw when they were duelling competent enemies. the brief instances of dizzy alertness during these harrowing hours of uncertainty seem very much like unpleasant dreams. the first time he rouses for water, dimly realizing that the straps of his weapons, his jacket, and his shirt have all been cut away are to blame for his chill. the second time for a mop-up and rewrap, letting women wind tight bandages around festering wounds with only subconscious grunts at their questions.

they're all answers he'd like to know.

can you tell us what happened? can you remember where you are? can you tell us your name?

no.

let me be alone. let me rest. let me die.)

Fuck, (a croak, throat drier than he's ever remembered it being, finally letting his head loll on a thin pillow as dorian's magic shows its usefulness. while he's conscious again and it loses its effectiveness when bruised eyes crack open and drag here and there, it gives him just enough energy to draw himself from the weak coma he'd sunk into.

finding dorian on the cot next to him is a moment he's sure he flinches through, feeling the sudden tension in his limbs that makes his body seem to jerk.) ... You.

Edited 2018-02-27 17:31 (UTC)

[Sorry, dying was not an option and in Dorian's mind it was usually a last resort which is why he's been pumping Hei with magic at every single opportunity. Unfortunately with his mana depleted as it was he was simply keeping the other man stabilized for the time being until he could gain a boost which didn't seem likely.

Dorian was tapped out, it was having an effect on his own vitals, he couldn't take care of himself if he was busy taking care of Hei, now could he. He couldn't break his promises either, being the man of his word that he was and he was keenly intent of keeping his word.

What doesn't surprise him is Hei's reaction to his presence, sorry? But this was just how they'd been set up and neither of them were going anywhere any time soon.] Indeed, me. You can relax, or try to relax, these pillows don't provide a great deal of neck support I fear.

[Actually he's trying to brace himself for the outrage or the fit, whatever was to come next]

(hei realizes that he let this happen, that a large part of it was his fault for letting it go on as long as it did before dorian was rendered unconscious, but it doesn't stop his body from fearing the sight of him. his mind tells him it's fine, there's no logical reason for an attack to come. still, he's twisting away with a pained grunt and stressing his wounds to chance a drink of water.

thank god there's still some left at his bedside, almost choking on it with how thirstily he cleans the glass.

has to take a few seconds to pant uselessly, harsh breaths and a flop down sounding far better than this half-sit.)

Dorian... what the hell did you do to me... (he knows how it felt, how it looked, but there's a very stark difference between experiencing something and understanding it — and their discussions over the network consisted of very little talk where blood magic was concerned, touching more thoroughly on the necromancy.)

[At the very least Dorian was true to his word, every time there was a spike in his mana he would pour it into Hei. Doing this did little to improve Dorian’s own recovery, but he couldn’t exactly heal himself, if he had a potion that would be another story, potions were also nice. Still, bedraggled as he was he does manage to siphon off enough strength for himself. He can talk anyway, he can even move, probably enough to explain what happened in a coherent, less moody fashion.

No promises.

Of course he was always up for distractions as well as idle conversation, the less he has to talk about what happened the better, but if it's a must well...he is somewhat obligated.]

[For Chiron, everything has been moving both too fast and at a snail's pace. The kidnappings, the attempts thereof, the fact that there's no viable option to help out comrades, and the threat of him fading due to a lack of mana, it all swirls and churns in an uncertain sea that he cannot begin to get a hold on. He knows that there are countdown clocks to this ending or that (his own existence, the chance of recovering the kidnapees, the conclusion of this ssignment), but none of them have precise numbers yet.

It is enough to drive a person mad.

It is also why he is trying his damndest to behave as he would under more normal circumstances. He seeks Dorian out for that reason, manifesting himself since remaining in his spirit form does not allow for communication.]

How is recovery going?

[It felt like the entire mission had been one remarkable failure interspersed with some moderate success and now their people were being kidnapped leaving Dorian to wonder if this was worth it to become entangled in this war from the beginning. Prepared as they were, they were still very ill-prepared and here was the price to be paid for it...and so concerned was he for his own troubles and missteps he'd all but forgotten simple things like how Chiron thrived on mana and needed it to exist...what's to be done about that?

Still, Chiron's company, as always, is like a breath of fresh air. His mild and unassuming presence not abrasive to the mage's internal injuries, never mind his external ones. Dorian's able to sit up at least, with a bit of effort, he's still drained from supplying Hei with his magic, but promises, promises after all.]

Cot's uncomfortable, food is still appalling, bedside manners could be improved a bit...of course your presence goes a long way in achieving better bedside behavior [flattery, if only he could shut it off] otherwise it's something of a holiday.

[Mind you it would be the worst holiday he's ever been on.]

Thank you, by the way.

[There's something appropriate about the mission going as badly as it had. That was the trajectory of the entire conflict and why it took so long to resolve, after all, and so the course of this was the war in miniature. It was a matter Chiron had been contemplating a lot lately, although not one he would dare voice outloud.

There was a lot he refrained from saying lately, as the value of words at this point lay in their ability to help the situation improve rather than continue to push morale into the ground. Well, further into the ground.]

Would a crate with a pillow in front of it help improve the holiday? Or at least your ability to be upright for a time?

[Practical first. Even the flattery goes unremarked, but maybe the practicality is proof that there's truth in it.]

You're welcome. I'm only sorry that avoiding one fate tossed you into a different mess.

[Dorian had a few choice words of his own, but he lacked the appetite to use them with his usual flourish. It simply wouldn't have the same gravitas given that he was laid up after using magic he never should have resorted to that inevitably backfired on him and on Hei. The irony was not lost on him.

But for a moment he didn't have to think about it and for the first time in quite some time he felt himself laugh. He should have resisted the urge, but some things couldn't be helped even though it had the unfortunate effect of causing his aching ribs to smart even more. Still, he's not about to look a gift-horse in the mouth so to speak.]

It would, marginally, yes.

[And here Dorian thought he was such a mother hen, though it's not something he would confess to out loud, but Chiron has something of a talent for mother henning himself.]

Ah, yes, well...I could make all of the excuses, but none of them can justify the use of the magic I resorted to.

One moment then.

[It is more like three or four minutes, but Chiron does indeed return with a crate that is unlikely to offer splinters, and a thin pillow that he thinks will at least serve it's purpose. He doesn't question what the filling is, all he knows is that there's no rodents living in it, and that will have to do. Wordlessly he places the crate, then pillow, behind Dorian, before suring up the crate to ensure it won't tip over.]

If that doesn't hold, or you suspect the structure is going to tip over, let me know. I doubt that we need any extra nonsense.

[Nonsense is such a restrained way of saying dumbass injuries.]

Then don't attempt it. You're already working on fixing the matter, and that's the most important thing.

[Dorian wasn't actually expecting it, that Chiron would go out of his way to find a crate and a pillow, however questionable, to aid him in sitting upright. The man often surprised Dorian with his indulgences, he was precious in that respect, more than the mage felt he deserved at the moment.

So he shouldn't be surprised at the disbelief in Dorian's expression when helped propped the mage up.]

It's fine...honestly you do too much [his way of saying that you spoil him, not that Dorian doesn't like the spoiling, but the reading and the indulgences, really Chiron] and thank you. I might have to start using my gratitude more sparingly, I've a feeling I'm going to be frequently grateful.

[And no, Dorian couldn't handle another dumbass injury, there have been plenty to go around and he had his own fair share of them.]

I'll ask about you then, how are you holding up, Chiron? We haven't had much time for discussion since all of this began.

If you feel that it's too much, then think of it selfishly. Ensuring a speedy recovery for you assists Hei as well, and thus this is all in the favor of being practical and trying to speed recovery along. [It was also a very, very cynical reading of the gesture, but one that Chiron would be remiss not to point out. There was an element of doing this in order to rectify the situation as quickly as possible.]

You're welcome. And you are aware that gratitude does not have to have a limit, correct?

[It seems a ridiculous thing to want to be sparing with, in truth.

Dorian's question, however, prompts a very exhausted sigh.]

My own status is questionable at best. I believe there is something about this land that calls out for endless wars and cursing every man who dare wage fights upon it's shores.

How wiley of you. [Though it does make Dorian feel better knowing that this wasn't about his own comfort per se, aside from that, however, it did make talking to the man easier as opposed to laying on his back.]

Perhaps it's in my upbringing, my parents were careful with praise and gratitude, I suppose they thought it would devalue meaningful feedback.

[Of course Dorian only ever got meaningful feedback when he did something that aligned with the family agenda, mostly his magical successes.]

'Questionable'? Questionable doth butter no parsnips, dear Chiron...is this war taking a toll on you? I do recall some of our previous conversations...something about a Holy Grail war.

I did not earn the title of wisest simply because other centaurs tended to be party animals. [The very tiny smile on Chiron's face suggests that it might be a joke. Might.]

That may well be a factor. I cannot speak for your parents, but with my own s tudents, I was required to give praise and critique in equal measure. There is no advancing and building confidence without it.

[But in some cases, changes could have been made. There were enough people with arrogance problems who were under Chiron's care for a time. ~~Achilles.~~]

Mm. I'm a spirit by nature, and typically it serves us well to be bound to a living individual for mana. Magical energy, by any definition. [Chiron rubs the bridge of his nose, slowly and not exactly happy.] Among those taken from our ranks is the individual who was doing this for me. It is on me to either find creative ways to make up for the deficit until the matter is resolved.

I don't suppose you earned the title because you had the most humor either [Dorian was grinning right back. A joke? How rare! But one thing did stick out to him, they never really did speak of why Chiron was so light on his feet.] I'm not entirely certain what a centaur is.

[In fact he has no idea what a centaur is.]

Hm. I received praise for living up to expectations and going along with grand plans that I didn't want to nor did I agree to. Rebellion had me dragged off by my earlobe. I suppose that makes you a better teacher than my parents were as parents.

[granted he hadn't been dragged off by his earlobe since he was a child, but it's still as fresh a memory as any.]

You've never come to me about any of this, you do realize I'm a mage, yes? I might not be oozing mana at the moment, but it's always there. [And they couldn't risk Chiron fading for Noctis's sake.] What creative ways are open to you at the moment?

I will admit, it isn't in my overall skillset. [He's far too serious most of the time, even if he can appreciate a good joke.] Have you seen the sargent walking around BASE? Half man and half horse? That's a centaur.

[If he hasn't well, Dorian's imagination can have some fun before Chiron gives an actual explanation.]

I feel as if you've just given me a low bar to clear, Dorian. But did other men of your status experience similar things with their parents?

[As far as the matter of mana goes, Chiron pauses. There's no embarrassment in his voice or on his face, but the feeling is there, bubbling under the surface.]

At the time, I believed the problem would be manageable until the assignment's end. It was that mist that complicated matters and forced me to exceed the input/output balance I had managed for myself. [Finally, a touch of red does cross Chiron's cheeks.] You musn't judge when I explain.

Humor is a teachable skill. [Although being good at it was a Maker given talent.] No, not personally, I might have spoken to him through our communication devices...but...

[Dorian was indeed trying to use his imagination, tipping his head to the side to try so as to get a look at the part that was horse, but no...Chiron had nothing equine about him.]

Yes, following the expectations of your family is serious business where I come from. I never fit in.

[Dorian was a social outcast in his homeland, it made living there without a benefactor difficult.]

Judge you? [Well now, he felt like he was getting ready to be told an interesting story and Dorian was always open for an interesting story] I'm not so quick to judge anyone for anything that they do, given the life I've lead.

Ah. So the visual is lost on you. Well, take a man up to his torso or so, and transpose it onto the body of a horse, so that the man has the front legs and backside. [Realizing that he himself is...confusing...he then elaborates:] The Holy Grail War business is why I appear entirely human.

[The business of why that is is hardly important. What is is the fact that there is a striking similarity Dorian has just voiced between his home and the expectation of mages in Chiron's own circumstances.]

The time and place I was summoned to extends considerbly similar expectations on young mages, you know.

[Fiore might bond with him over that fact. Her brother as well.]

The transfer of mana can be accomplished through either being quite ghoulish and taking in the blood or another, or through intimate acts.

[It's sex magic, okay?]

Seems a little bit...odd...but then again I have seen stranger things in my time. I suspect you're quite attractive as a centaur as well. [Flattery is like breathing okay, even when Dorian is still bedridden he is still flirtatious.]

Oh? Such a pity...do they have blood rituals and poison the punch at their soirees as well, then that would be just like home.

[Ah, Tevinter, he's a love hate relationship with his homeland and it cannot be helped.]

I can't see you taking the blood of another...[Dorian lets the second option sink in and a grin turns the corners of his lips up]...my, my I had no idea you had such a side to you. I am shocked and scandalized dearest Chiron, I'm not sure I'll recover from such scandalous personal knowledge.

[He said he wouldn't judge, he made no promise not to tease.]

It's a very different form of being attractive, I believe. You are, after all, looking at about two thirds of a horse. [That isn't a joke. That's just stark realism, and pointing out that you have to be rather special, or just very ancient Greek, to see it that way.]

I believe some might? I can say it wouldn't surprise me if that was the case, it seems in line with everything.

[Regardless, there's...ugh. Dorian, teasing is judging! Probably.]

Believe me, I'd...rather not have to. [Dorian. Dorian let him die and not talk about sex magic.] Nor have I chosen to yet. It seems impersonal.

[Tease him for being sentimental!]

We have dragon-esque people where I come from and they have their own kind of appeal, but there is so much more to being attracted to a person. You are a centaur after all, not a horse, yes? [So there is the part of him that is humanoid, it's not like being attracted to a beast despite the beauty of horses.]

Oh, you must stop, getting homesick will do nothing for my recovery.

[Of coure Dorian is joking, but he's always homesick so...]

You're terribly sentimental for someone who put two in the eyes of a giant serpent. You mean to say sex has to be emotional? I must have been doing it wrong all these years. [It's difficult to have an emotional attachment when your only encounters are in brothels after all.] But I tease you too much, not that my point isn't valid, what will you do if you become desperate?

Of course. And you're right. I suppose I am far too accustomed to needing to explain the more baseline elements of the form. [You know, like how a centaur has kids with a nymph. Practical things.]

Please tell me you say homesick with the deepest sarcasm. That kind of environment is absolute poison.

[Something that many aren't cut out for. Dorian strikes him as a man that can weather it well enough, but the opinion remains.]

For myself, emotional attachment is indeed a component. I am aware that this isn't true for everyone. [There are additional complicating factors, but Chiron doesn't intend to get into them. Mostly because it's weird to keep explaining that hey, the sargent is also a version of myself and his wife is alive so that's super awkward!]

I believe I will answer that only when I reach that point.

Believe me when I say that I trust you implicitly so you needn't have to explain those details. [In fact he doesn't want to know how a centaur would have children with a nymph, he didn't have to want to make his yugh face at Chiron.]

I'm aware that most of what I say about my homeland seems entirely negative, but it has so much history and potential, it's where our world began. If I couldn't see the positives I wouldn't miss it...I want to save it.

[So no, Dorian wasn't being sarcastic really, he knew the dark underbelly of his homeland and he wanted to get in there and change the corruption. It was the only place in his world where his kind weren't rounded up in cages after all.]

Hm, I suppose in the upper echelons it doesn't matter, your parents pick out your partner so it's usually impersonal anyway. Mine was Livia Herathinos, unfortunate girl, pretty enough, wicked tongue, sharp wit, and glad I'm gone I suspect. [And part of the reason Dorian left, he had no intention of settling down and having little magelets on command after all.]

Oh, I wonder if you even know, but that's alright, Chiron. I'm here for you.

[Chiron has no words for that response, only a face of absolute relief. It's perhaps overdramatic, but there all the same if only because of aeons of expectation.

That same face transmutes as Dorian speaks of home. He is quiet, and more than anything else, he is intrigued.]

What potential do you see in it? What is the future you want to make so?

[As Dorian continues though, speaking of arranged marriages, well. That's perhaps one thing he has in mind to fix. The practice isn't unusual, of course, it was done in Chiron's own time and done with magi in the time when Chiron was summoned.]

I don't believe that's an uncommon sentiment in situations such as that. [Although a quick wit suggests they might have been a decent enough match with regards to being friends. It isn't for Chiron to say.] My mother had little interest in taking care of me, given my form, and so I was adopted and then let loose on my own. That granted me more freedom in most when it came to meeting my wife.

[There's sentiment in there, but if it's towards his parents or his wife, Chiron is pointedly vague.]

I do mean this unironically: your support is appreciated.

[Dorian is only too happy to be spared the details as Chiron is happy in sparing them, it's mutual relief.

As for the potential Dorian sees in his country?]

Ah, there's intellectualism, we don't stifle academia. Our magical expertise outstrips most of Thedas because we are allowed to do things with magic, wondrous things with it, that the rest of the world fears and forbids. Some magic is to be lamented, this is true, but transgressors ought to be properly punished and for the proper reasons. Our architectural achievements are also worth preserving and the fact that we have an electoral government is good in theory, in practice it could do with changes to permit a more equal society.

[And yes, Dorian would sort out the arranged marriage business as well, just another aspect of Tevinter society he balked at.]

No, not at all, had we been married it would have looked much the same as my own parent's marriage. Trading coy insults a parties, civil only in the most respectable company, avoiding one another at every opportunity, living in luxurious despair. [Needless to say he knew the woman his parents picked out and they didn't get along in spite of their sharp tongues. The only thing they really had in common was their magical talent and their proclivity for the same parts.] We have that in common, my mother too had little interest in taking care of me. Why should she when there were nannies to do it for her...oh, she was the material sort, winning affections with gifts and things of that nature, but only as motherly as her position permitted her to be.

[Meaning when eyes were on the Pavus family they had to act like a family and she had to act like a doting mother.]

I do what I can, my dear.

I see. And I can see why you would fight dearly to ensure it's survival, with appropriate changes to make it an even more ideal version of itself. [Chiron smiles faintly at the description, and there's nothing but approval in all that he's heard.] What do you believe can be done in your lifetime to put those changes into place? You strike me as a skillful politican.

[That...is not a happy family. At all. Luxurious despair is a fantastic description of it, and something Chiron files away for his own use. Among Dorian's many talents is that he can turn a phrase. This is perhaps one of his favorites.] I fear if I say anything about my own experience, this might become a morbid sort of one upmanship. But I follow you, an am sorry that was a part of your childhood.

A skillful politician? I suppose I could be when I've a mind to actually debate, I'm more interested in books and research than politics...but a strongly worded letter and viciously rearranging a library is no way to bring about change. Change doesn't always fall merrily into your lap, sometimes it involves the will to act...the will to do the things that no one else will do, and sometimes that means fighting. [People getting hurt, people dying.] I suppose I would put an end to corrupt magical practices and slavery, that's something I would like to see an end to in my lifetime. I would like Tevinter to be an example of a mage society that can endure without the use of corrupt magic and mages working together with Templars to police mages that would abuse magic instead of using it to serve. Also abolishing slavery would put us in good standing, perhaps better standing than the rest of the world where alienages exist.

[People look down on Tevinter for slavery, but the irony is that everywhere across the world there is some form of slavery or other.]

Oh, you needn't feel sorry for me, look at how well rounded I am! Such talent and remarkable charm and need I remind you of these incredible looks? [Dorian is tilting his face now, one must show off their finer features when prompted. The last thing he wants is to be pitied, however, his childhood was what it was and he knew it could have been worse.]

And you don't believe your ability to charm wouldn't act as an advantage as well? [Chiron looks genuinely surprised by that.]

Tell me this. All of these hopes and dreams and ambitions you have for Tevinter. Do you believe that there's enough power within your current form of government to make them so? Or is there a need for a larger push and more capable individuals to work at the highest levels to enact them?

[Chiron tilts his head slightly.]

It is as you say. Strong letters and libraries don't make for change. And it is easy to sit far away from the world and judge it. That much I can say wit experience.

[Living on a mountain is great, don't you know.]

You need not. I need only add that while you are well rounded, you have very sharp angles as well.

[He is trying to joke. Trying.]

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